i am finally starting to realize how much blinded i had been trying to make this "commitment" ( as what my x-bestfriend termed our friendship to be) work out. am i not in the position to put pride for just once?
i am growing bitter everytime i grow nostalgic of what could have been a good brotherhood. i may have given too much but i never asked for something in return. well, i think, i should have just asked for it and maybe it did not come to this point where i never expected it to be. i am not perfect. i may be overly sensitive most of the times but i am aware of what i do and i try to put back the pieces. it's hard.
this may come to you as a surprise but for me it has been a long standing concern. i was too quiet that it has grown stagnant. now that you are ending our friendship, let me share my thoughts, my rambling thoughts.
a poet said "tonight i write the saddest lines", today i do too. they say friendship is a priceless gem that is why i keep them well, maybe too well that i do not give time for my self to feel that i am a gem too.
i don't want to be so detailed on this, i respect your right to keeping it to yourself. one day i'll forget about you, you'll see i won't even miss you, i know someone is going to be there for me.
i may not be the best but i tried to be. it is so weakening to think that it was so easy for you to decide to just forget about this "commitment", it has never been a commitment for me, and neither for you, i never told you to commit yourself, all i was after was the brotherhood, the friendship, you should have never asked me to be your bestfriend in the first place. i am not blaming you, maybe not on everything.
one day, we'll both realize how much this could become of a better ending. you never wanted to talk about it anyway.
you are Just Enough For a Friend, but you can not be the best, maybe not until you grow up and realize that not everything should be about you, that there are times that you should be the one to adjust to other people, start with your family. keep up to what your parents has been telling you to be, and life would be a lot easier for you. you are a wonderful being, you just have to be more appreciative, attentive and sensitive of the people and things around you. every dance has an end. step-up and prove to them how much more you could be. you know who made the wrong turn between the two of us this time. it was not me. do not turn back.
maybe for the first and last time i won't apologize.
today i am leaving my best behind.
ber month na. hehehe.
it has been months since i last posted. im doing fine but not great. last month my tita had a vaction here in the philippines and after a short month without even having a great chat with her i found myself at the airport waving her goodbyes.
school?? i almost got dropped from my speech class from having excessive absences, but since my prof is not that bad and not that good also, he still accepted me in his class. hehehe. lucky me.
friends. well, i do not find myself comfortable around them. i dont like people who pretend too much. who pretend to be someone else far from their true self. i hate people whom you can only approach when they are drunk. i hate people who cant even explain themselves. i hate people who cant differentiate what being mysterious and being plastic is. i hate people who are weak-willed. i hate people who keep pushing themselves to look cool when they are not even close to that. who keep pushing themselves to be fierce when they are not even close to growl.
lovelife. on the rocks. it is hard when the word jealous gets in the way. somehow, though little by little, we manage to recover from the turbulance. problems are still there but we're getting better.
family. lots of changes especially between me and my father. it was a long process though to get to this situation but it was worth it. im happy that we are now closer than before.
eun. ^_^
